Love beyond feelings

 

Do you get the "butterflies in my belly" feeling when you see that special person or do you suddenly become shy, clumsy and uncoordinated when that person comes around? If you've experienced this before, then be assured you're not alone on that boat. For most of us, there's that one person we meet that makes our heart beat faster. What name can we then give to these feelings? Love right? 

For many centuries now, this has been a concept many have tried to understand and a question many have tried to answer. Many have tried to describe it in all time classics like Romeo and Juliet, others have tried to express it in the descriptive tenses of melodious songs while others have even abandoned the use of words and chosen to express the passion of love through dances like Rumba, Tango and Waltz but even still, there is no submission that is satisfactory enough to be universally accepted.

As one article puts it, love does not have a specific fixed meaning. It is an ambiguous notion, since its definition is open to more than one interpretation. Love is something that means different things to different people. More so, perhaps we can say that there are some questions that can never be fully answered, nevertheless, we know that love is real and love is undeniable. We see it all around us; from the tender care of a mother for her suckling child to the burning passion of youthful love. 

In actuality, the word "love" is an English word that is popularly used to describe desire or affection for something or someone. In ancient Greek, love can be expressed in at least seven different forms including:

• Eros: romantic, passionate love. 
• Philia: intimate, authentic friendship.
• Erotoropia or ludus: playful, flirtatious love. 
• Storge: unconditional, familial love.
• Philautia: compassionate self-love. 
• Pragma: committed, companionate love.
• Agápe: empathetic, divine love.

That being said, I'll like to zoom in on romantic love. 💫

There are three things that amaze me--no, four things I do not understand: how an eagle glides through the sky, how a snake slithers on a rock, how a ship navigates the ocean, how a man loves a woman. Prov.30.18(NLT)

According to the United States' National Center for Health Statistics, approximately 4-5 million people get married every year in the U.S. and approximately 42-53% of those marriages eventually end in divorce. Of course, the total number of official marriage dissolutions in Nigeria cannot be compared to those in the United States and European countries. But even the existing statistics mirror a rather negative trend that has managed to form in a very short period of time.

Society has painted a picture of romantic love as something that is beyond our control where unsuspecting victims are supposedly love struck by cupid's arrow and the victim falls hopelessly in love -Lol- (hence the popular statement "I've fallen in love") and so for most people today, their definition of love for another is largely dependent on their feelings (aka. emotions). 

Let's be frank with ourselves, there must have been a time in your life when you suddenly realized you were attracted to someone (This would only mean that you're a NORMAL human being). If someone sat you down and asked what attracted you to the other person, you would effortlessly list out a lot a of wonderful attributes about that other person. Whether you like it or not, you will definitely always see something good about someone you're attracted to (Even if that person is the devil). 

Although the science and psychology of attraction is something we may never fully understand, one thing is sure; your attraction to someone is only an offshoot of the feelings you have for that person and for most of us, we quickly come to a conclusion that we 'love' that other person. (The question is what kind of love?)

Although this is what the society calls love, my problem with this model of love is that human feelings/emotions are totally unpredictable. It can be as epileptic as Nigeria's electricity supply because it is not totally under our control. What happens when you no longer feel what you felt for that person when you were attracted to him/her? If this model of 'love based on emotions' is the yardstick you're going to use in selecting a life partner (someone you're going to be spending the rest of your life with!) I'll suggest you reconsider.

And so, I'll like to introduce another model of love to you that can be put into consideration as a metric for a decision as critical as choosing a life partner. Its a model I call "Love beyond Feelings". 

Loving beyond feelings happens when your love has transitioned from being a feeling to being a choice. What this means is that you've gotten to a point where you can say "I love you not just because I feel something for you but because I have chosen to and I am ready to commit to it". For a relationship to last and stand the test of time, both parties must get to a point where their love for one another becomes a conscious, intentional decision. It is being able to love a person genuinely for who they are irrespective of how they look, what they do or what they have. An example of this is the kind of Love God has for us (An unconditional Love) and it is this kind of love that remains and overcometh all things. 

But God shows and clearly proves His [own] love for us by the fact that while we were still sinners, Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One) died for us (Romans 5:8, AMP). 

When you're attracted to someone, you must seek to know him/her beyond his/her looks. The real person is not the beautiful/ handsome figure you see but the hidden nature inside that vessel (comprised of character and values). You must be able to ask yourself questions like, " What did i fall in love with; The spirit (Agape), the soul (Philia) or the Body (Eros)?", " If times were hard and full of challenges, will I be willing to go through it with this person?"

Also note that for a relationship to work, the love must be mutual. It is then, the love comes to perfection. Even if one person loves the other genuinely, the other person still has a CHOICE to love back. Don't for a minute think your love alone can sustain a relationship. You must always remember that being in a relationship is work and commitment, not just from one party but from both. 

In conclusion, check out what someone that is able to love beyond feelings will say:

I've come to tell you today that my love for you is not just a feeling but a choice and I have chosen to love you. And so whatever happens to you, I'll still love you. I'm not getting married to you because I have romantic goose bumps all over me whenever I see you (even though I do). Instead, getting married to you is my show of commitment to care for you, take care of you, stand by you and always be there for you irrespective of what happens in the future.

Can you sincerely make this declaration to that person you claim to love? I hope this piece blessed you. If it did, please share. 

Yours truly, Psalmwrites.