LOVE BEYOND FEELINGS 2

Many people believe Love just happens (Lol). Perhaps like me, you've jumped into the conclusion that you're in love many times. Definitely, that passionate feeling that plagued you for weeks, months or even years must have been love.

But wait a minute, was it?

In this article I'll be answering the question almost every single soul will ask at one point in their life.

How do you know if you truly love someone?

I call it, The Love Guage.... Cool right?

Let's get straight to it. 

THE FIVE PILLARS OF LOVE

1. Joy: an unusual pleasurable feeling when you think about that person or spend time with them. You're not forcing yourself to enjoy their company.

2. Zeal: an unusual zeal to do the things that will please them. You find yourself going the extra mile just to make that person happy. 

3. Passion: A longing to be with them and spend time with them. That person becomes the peak of your desire. You find yourself thinking about them most of the time. 

4. Faithfulness: Readiness to be committed to that person because nobody can take the place of that person in your heart. Your mind is not wavering in-between choosing either them or someone else.

5. Sacrifice: Willingness to sacrifice anything and everything for them. Even your very life. 

If each metric above is on a scale of 1-10, you can know to what degree you love a person by adding up your score for each metric and comparing that cumulative value with a standard of 50 (taken as the highest point of love for this excersise)

Here's a bonus: If you'll like to know if you truly love God, you can use the test above to assess your love for God

To truly love someone or something, the entirety of the soul must be involved. Thus, there should be at least three components involving your Mind, Will and Emotions:

1. Practicality of love (Mind): Sacrificing for them, Fellowshiping with them, Acts of Kindness and other Love languages.

2. Commitment of love (Will): Making a deliberate CHOICE to love that person, Faithfulness to that person.

3. Passion of love (Emotion): The Zeal and Joy you feel. The ''butterflies in the belly'' feeling should fall in here too (lol)

THE CYCLE OF LOVE

Most romantic relationships start with passion/emotion. To take the relationship to the next level, commitment must then be made on both sides. Finally, it graduates to the highest point of love- This is where the mindset of love is learnt and practicalized. 

This practicality of love then fuels more emotion/passion and the cycle starts all over again. 

PASSION > COMMITMENT > PRACTICALITY

ATTRACTION>DECISION>DELIBERATENESS

Have you ever heard the saying, Love (The Emotion/attraction part of it) is not enough to sustain a marriage? 

Although this saying is truly valid (as a marriage without commitment and practicality will crumble), we sometimes take it to the extreme to think emotion & attraction is not needed and we can do without it. I disagree with this extremism. I believe that emotion & attraction is very vital for the sustainability of a marriage, thus, it must be sustained and nurtured in every relationship. 

Love beyond feeling is the key not Love without feelings. 

Although many have tried to downplay the relevance of emotion/passion in love but in truth, passion is foundational to love. It is passion that gives way to the other higher levels of love. The strength of it determines the strength on the other two components

The stronger the passion, the stronger the commitment and the stronger the commitment, the stronger the intentionality.

DISCLAIMER: Initial attraction is important but before you get too attracted to a person and passion takes over, there is a need to look at the person critically without biased feeling or giving excuses for some behaviors. This is because it is possible to be naturally attracted to the wrong people e.g abusers, narcissists, people with terrible character etc. 

When you are attracted to someone, you must ensure you pray about it first to have confirmation and peace that this is the right person to love. Next, sincerely consider questions like, 'Is the person kind, thoughtful, a lover of God, are there any red flag behaviours? etc. It is after this that you can make a decision to love this person with your all and then you'll be deliberate about it, choosing the person over and over again above all else. Attraction and passion is good but it should not cloud your judgment.  

Also, there is a thin line between passion in Love and Lust. The passion of lust is driven by a desire for sexual satisfaction. This is not true love. Ensure that you truly love that person for the right reasons.

In conclusion, if you're in a relationship and after using the LOVE GUAGE TEST above you discover that your love level for that person is low, I'd advise that you do something about it. 

• If you're married already, then you need to look for every possible way to revive the love in your relationship. The fate and future of your marriage depends on it. 
• If you're yet to be married, I'll advise that you take time to work on your relationship and be sure you really love this person before you say YES I DO.  

Note that a high LOVE GUAGE level by the test above is not enough reason to get married to someone. There are several other 'more important' things you must consider before getting married to a person (you can learn more about this from Pastor Kingsley's book: 7 Questions Wise Women Ask)

If you missed part one of Love Beyond Feelings, you can read it up here.

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Please do well to comment and feel free to ask your questions in the comment box. 

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Changing the world starts with being a blessing first to one man. If this article blessed you, I'm glad I contributed to changing the world. 🌎